Dear Noah,

It has been four weeks since we said good-bye. I know it wasn't easy for you either. You fought to catch one more breath, and one more again so that we could hold you longer. Thank you for being so brave. Somehow we found the strength to say "it's okay" instead of "Noah, please breath!" We knew you were only fighting for us and that it was your time to leave your Mama and Daddy and go home to your Father. Though only a Babe I think you knew just as we did that it was time.

The "Why's" and "What if's" still plague us in our sadness. We can't help missing you, you are part of us. Each morning we wake up and each day we put one foot in front of the other just as you would want us to... just as we would have wanted you to if it would have been our time not yours. My arms ach for you... my eyes tear and my heart continues to break.

If you are a grown man when we get to Heaven will you mind if we rock you? Will you say "It's okay Mama... you're home now... I've been waiting for you." That seems like so far away. We are sending you our love, our hugs, and our kisses everyday. We miss taking care of you... our sweet baby boy.

I am trying more and more to smile as I remember you rather then cry. I remember taking you to the doctor when you were 5 days old. You sucked on my finger while they checked your heart. Then we went for lunch at the cafeteria your daddy and me. I carried you proudly in my arms and everyone around asked how old you were and said you were adorable. You made us so happy during your time here on earth, while you were in my belly and especially once you were in my arms. Every tear we cry is worth the joy you have given us. So if you can see me from Heaven and you are saying "Don't cry Mama" know that my tears are only wishes that you were still here. I'll love you forever.