Strangely enough a year has now passed since we held Noah in our arms and kissed him good-bye. I can't say that the year has gone quickly or that it has dragged either but "time" has certainly become a strange concept. Reflecting back on the last year brings memories or both joy and sorrow and I have surprised myself in many ways. The times that I thought would be most difficult were not and there were other times the grief has snuck up and surprised me. November was
definitely the most difficult month for me, the anniversary of the month we truly grieved for Noah... shortly after it had been discovered that he had
Trisomy 13 and that we might never get to meet him before he left this world. We continue to be thankful that wasn't the case, thankful that we had 28 days to hold him, love him and be loved by him.
Our life line this year has been the parent grief support group we attend at Canuck Place. I don't know how we would have made it through our first year without Noah if it wasn't for them. The support from family and friends is much appreciated so thank you for that. But there is something irreplaceable about the comfort which can only be offered by someone who can truly say "I know how you feel." I could attempt to explain in words what it was like to hold Noah while he breathed his last or how difficult it was to hand him over to the man from the funeral home, knowing that was the last time I would kiss or hold him on this earth... but I hope that no one will ever again have to experience such overwhelming sorrow. Other parents who have come face to face with these same moments (though they were once strangers to us) have played such a key role in helping us move forward. So, if you are thinking of Noah today or if you ever feel compelled out of the goodness of your heart to make a donation to make a difference please consider donating to Canuck Place. Their telethon is on March 15th and I have a link to their website on this blog. Last year the telethon took place while we were at Canuck Place saying good-bye to Noah. Many of you have already made donations to Canuck Place in memory of Noah and for that we thank you. One of the things we do at Canuck Place is light a candle in memory of each child as we meet near the anniversary of their passing. We stand in a group and say "We Remember..." Today and always "We Remember Noah."
Knowing that we have made it through one year helps us know that we can make it through one more and the next but it doesn't heal the place in our hearts that longs for Noah to be here. Know that we are "doing fine"... we are moving forward and we have chosen to continue to live life to its fullest not only for ourselves but for Noah and our other children.
Also know that we like to talk about him and that even if it does bring a few tears that it is helpful to us and that we like to know that you are thinking of him too.
As I write I think of the hymn "It is well with My Soul" and I could think sure... that is easy enough for the composer to say but if you know his story you know that he lost everything before he wrote the well known hymn. After one year it still hurts to sing those words but it is getting easier.
It Is Well With My Soul
When peace like a river, attendeth my way,When sorrows like sea billows roll;Whatever my lot,
Thou hast taught me to say,It is well, it is well, with my soul.
From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
"It Is Well with My Soul" is a very influential
hymn penned by
hymnist Horatio Spafford and composed by
Philip Bliss.
This hymn was written after several traumatic events in
Spafford’s life. The first was the death of his only son in 1871, shortly followed by
the great Chicago Fire which ruined him financially (he had been a successful
lawyer). Then in 1873, he had planned to travel to Europe with his family on the S.S.
Ville du Havre, but sent the family ahead while he was delayed on business concerning zoning problems following the Great Chicago Fire. While crossing the
Atlantic, the ship sank rapidly after a collision with a sailing ship, the
Loch Earn, and all four of
Spafford's daughters died. His wife Anna survived and sent him the now famous telegram, "Saved alone." Shortly afterwards, as
Spafford traveled to meet his grieving wife, he was inspired to write these words as his ship passed near where his daughters had died.
Bliss called his tune Ville
du Havre, from the name of the stricken vessel.
[1]The
Spaffords later had three more children, one of whom (a son) died in
infancy. In 1881 the
Spaffords, including baby Bertha and newborn Grace, set sail for
Palestine. The
Spaffords moved to
Jerusalem and helped found a group called the
American Colony; its mission was to serve the poor. The colony later became the subject of the
Nobel prize winning Jerusalem, by
Swedish novelist Selma Lagerlöf.
Tomorrow is Angeline's Due Date (Happy Birthday Grandma) and today she is 2 weeks old! I thought I would take a few pictures of her throughout the day so you can all see what she is looking like at 2 weeks. Her hair seems to get longer everyday... she is getting quite the little mow-hawk. She has a lot more awake time and last night she nursed only every 4 hours (which I am hoping she sticks to).
She was quite alert like her brothers, but preferred to sleep after the first hour and a half looking around.
